presents

to begin with this very hectic experiences of mine *drama queen*

i'm going to start with the word NEW

it's new people
new environment

new habits

it's just so new that if you keep static it won't get you nowhere

i thought i would die here

nope, i'm very well alive

i bring changes in life of several people not to mention myself

to tell you the most detail parts of stories i wouldn't have enough character to describe it all. but for once and for all i feel what those people feel. self actualization. 2 words, 7 syllables but wide in meaning. you might think, " what the hell is this freak talking about now?" i'm talking about self identity, keeping it real, and standing still with any words they are throwing on your face. it's about showing everyone who you really are and not scared of it. i'm talking the pioneers of women's emancipation those who can rely on themselves.

for one i take a stand for myself, i refuse to listen to my mom. i joined internship of BEM well, for those who are not familiar with the word it is an organization that would give you plenty of opportunity to be well umm, freaking dizzy and busy with their assignments. why i want it? i'm not sure why but it's a matter of dignity and again self-actualization.

i need to take a breath, i need to walk very slow, and really watch the road. i know it might be a little bumpy on the road. but i'm willing to take that chance i need to know what i am capable of, and how hard i can take punches in the face. i refuse to take the safe road and i declare my freedom of thought as a person, a daughter, and a human being. i need support. yes i need every bit of it

reborn

hi!

been long gone from this world...

i miss everything from my world before this

the sarcastic bitter and wild girl lies beneath me now

i'm no longer that girl

i'm no longer 16

I AM 17 YEARS OLD NOW HAHAHA

bittersweet though i am getting older, yes

but you know what i'm savoring the moment

posting a wee bit to show you i still care

sign out see ya!!!

my story

mamaku mungkin skeptis

mamaku mungkin seseorang yang ga menghargai persahabatan sebanyak aku

tapi...

itu ga membuat aku orang yang sama

aku orang yang benar benar berbeda dengannya

aku orang yang mencintai persahabatan dan esensinya

aku orang yang menghargai persahabaatan lewat secarik kertas atau potongan majalah

aku orang yang bersedia tidak tidur untuk seorang teman

aku orang yang menangis karena mendengar satu kalimat

aku orang yang mengabaikan apapun demi apa yang kuinginkan

semua itu sempat terkubur

hidup ini keras, kata seseorang

sempat membentuk aku yang berbeda

tapi hari ini aku rasa aku kembali

ga ada seorang pun yang mengerti tingkahku

cuma aku

aku orang yang menghargai hal hal kecil dalam hidup satu juta kali lebih dari pada orang lain

dan aku bangga

terserah apa kata kalian bahkan keluargaku sendiri

aku itu ya aku

hidup dengan itu atau tidak sama sekali

gift for a friend

the sky changed colour

the rain drops

the world is sad for us

but it's no end

it's a start

i know, you too, we know....

when the door opened i saw you probably not for the last, but probably for a long while

i smile, i couldn't imagine it was gonna be the last time, it's hard

but i still smile knowing about it

when the door slammed i instantly cried...

the moment was clear but it was somehow very difficult to say

i wanna say a lot of things

i should say thank you

no, i can never thank you enough

i should give you a longer hug

no, you worth more than just a hug you worth a thousand hug

we may never had any picture to show our relation

but without anyone's concern we walk and talk and laugh

we think "screw the world"

we live our life

everything that i prepared for you, i made it in a hurry

there are so many things going very wrong

i rush everything that i forget to mention there how i want to picture you as all of those presents

i should give you a thousand gift

i suck

i'm not perfect

i am a chocolate you are my sugar

my life was bitter like pills before i met you

you changed me for a better person

like a sugar changed the taste of bitter chocolate and make it good

3 buttons means " i love you"

but there are only two

i took the "i" :]

everything i made for you was there for a reason

today i should say i will never find any friend like you

today i should cry in front of you to show how miserable i am

today i should say i wouldn't be the same person

but

that would be naive and selfish

you are sad too

but when i saw you today everything that i thought would change in my life without you

i believe will be entirely the same

because you leave the town

but you heart remains

and we will still be the same person we were until the day we meet again

THANK YOU

thank you a lot for staying there through thick and thin

i know when we meet again we will still the same

the very same best friends we were...

PS: i will take you to a trip along the city when you come back

bangun

let's just say teenagers love other teenagers

and it doesn't work

untung untung kalo sempet pacaran terus putus

tau yang lebih buruk

menunggu seorang alien selama 3 tahun berturut turut yang sama sekali ga membuahkan hasil malahan selalu aja bikin sakit hati

dia sih ga tau hal hal kecil yang dia lakuin itu efeknya besar banget ke kita tapi mana dia peduli

dia peduli kalo kita buat dia ngerasa seneng tapi apa ada imbalnya ke kita?

WAKE UP!!!

dia itu ga tertarik sama kita. no matter what we do

ga peduli kita tanya ke dia, dia lagi sakit apa

ga peduli kita selalu ngecek seatnya selama ulangan umum

ga peduli kita selalu ngecek status facebooknya in case dia lagi patah hati

ga peduli seberapa lama dia cuekin kita, dan kita masih gila tentang dia

DIA GA PEDULI SAMA KITA

mana dia tau kita seharian nangis di lab fisika cuman gara-gara dia "jadian" sama cewek lain

mana dia tau kita setengah mati ngebisa-bisain jalan bareng padahal keadaan sangat ga mungkin untuk jalan

mana dia tau kita sampe lari lari ke luar rumah cuman buat beli pulsa supaya bisa bales smsnya yang isinya cuman

"iya.kenapa?"

saya stuck selama tiga tahun kaya got yang ga pernah dibersihin kotorannya selalu numpuk di ujung selokan dan kalo hujan deres banjir meluap luap. TEPAT SEPERTI ITULAH SAYA....

pas semua masalah ngumpul jadi satu dan ga ada yang beres ditambah pikiran ttg di dan gosipnya semua cuman malah jadi luapan emosi yang ngabisin tenaga, pikiran, dan kebebasan saya...

saya ga tau kenapa tepatnya saya nulis tulisan ini

tapi baru aja saya dapet sms temen dekat saya betapa dia patah hati karena mantannya itu jadian sama cewek lain...

dia itu terlalu buta mengabaikan semua fakta di belakang itu, betapa ceweknya pernah ngejer-ngejer berondong tapi dia abaikan semua fakta itu sebelumnya dia cuman jatuh cinta langsung, straight tanpa peduli lampu merah di kanan kiri dia langsung jatuh cinta tanpa alasan

saya juga untuk pertama kalinya seumur hidup jatuh cinta sama cowok yang "jadian" beberapa kali tapi putus dengan "ga sopan" hhh

i guess we make mistakes all the times karena kita masih labil lah karena masih remaja lah tapi daripada kita menghabiskan bertahun tahun pada lelaki yang sama yang bahkan ga tau warna kesukaan kita

DROP OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY

sebelum kalian menderita berkepanjangan

cari cowok lain

cari hobi lain

cari hal lain

masih ada jutaan ikan di lautan

jodoh kalian ada di luar sana

jangan menghabiskan waktu sama orang yang seuseless mereka

itu lost mereka udah ngelepas kalian

WAKE UP!!!!

see? i'm very labile

stupid teenagers hormone FUCK YOU!

I HATE HORMONE

i should be happy and instead i felt what?

miserable

fuck you adrenaline, estrogen or whatever they call you

sebuah post dan perasaan

sekarang saya lebih tahu apa yang saya rasakan

siapa saya...

i like this other guy from a competition, he blows my mind by the way he talks, thinks and behaves

sekarang saya tahu that feeling is just an awe. i don't fall for him. i love the way god create him. i am his fan. he's the BIG PICTURE. but he's not the one i want...

i fall for someone else

a person that is just too complicated to understand but i do :D

he's whatever he is

and i don't care if he's someone who would not understand what melodramatic means

thank you for the other guy to bring back how i really feel. thank you very much. your post was wonderful :)

FATE

ada yg namanya takdir yang ga bisa diubah hidup, mati, jodoh

lainnya?

fleksibel sekali. Tinggal minta langsung dikasih, ngg ga juga sih ada yang langsng dikasih, ada yang ditunda, anda yang diganti tergantung Tuhan moodnya kasi apa

waktu mau tes itb, saya bertanya-tanya dalam hati.."Tuhan, apa yang harus saya minta? minta masuk itb atau minta yang terbaik?"

sayangnya, Tuhan ga jawab pertanyaan saya dengan frontal.

saya buat keputusan sendiri, okelah saya minta nya gini

"Ya Tuhan jadikanlah itb sebagai Universitas terbaik bagi hidup saya, dan masukkanlah saya ke sana"

berulang-ulang setiap sholat, setiap ada kesempatan untuk doa itu yang saya minta.

terus taunya saya ga masuk ke itb, saya ga nyalahin Tuhan ga nyalahin orang tua, saya sempet salahin diri sendiri. Kenapa waktu itu saya doanya maksa? kenapa waktu itu saya ga minta dikasi yang terbaik aja apapun itu biar ga sekecewa ini? saya nangis tersedu sedan waktu tau ditolak?

saya pikir lagi, ohh saya tau...ketika saya doa pikiran saya selalu ada dua ketika mengucap doa saya selalu minta itb tapi hati saya tau yang saya paling ingin adalah diberi yang terbaik apapun itu

jadi setelah ditolak itb -anyway, ditolak unair juga- saya ganti doa

"Ya Tuhan berikanlah saya terbaik, apapun itu berikanlah saya dan kedua orang serta keluarga yang terbaik"

itu yang saya ulang setiap kali, kali ini lebih khusyuk karena saya tau ini adalah yang saya inginkan

di tengah keputus asaan tiba-tiba terbersit aja pengen ikut tes unmul, out of nowhere sambil nangis aku tiba-tiba tegas banget pengen ikut tes ini

enough story, tanpa ekspetasi apapun saya sama sekali ga menyangka bakal diterima di unmul. saya bener bener ga nunggu pengumuman sama sekali, tiba-tiba aja ada kaya 10 sms saying " CONGRATULATION" and i was like..."WHATT???"

satu detik setelah itu aku ngerasa rasa senang banget. BANGET

and i was like, okay should or should not chase after itb? after considering all options and odds and capability *and of course FATE* i decide to take unmul walaupun jurusannya kedokteran yang mana aku sama sekali ga ada kepikiran

why do i call this FATE? gini ya untuk tes ini aku cuman belajar dari buku soal snmptn, terus aku masih ga bisa ngerjain fisika SAMA SEKALI, hari pertama sih lancar aja soalnya bahasa inggris meen, yang hari kedua itu MIPA. Let me put it this wayaku sampe mau muntah, baru kelar ngerjain 60 soal aku mual dan mau muntah aku sampe ga bisa baca soal, pas ngerjain mipa terpadu aku udah ga inget apa-apa, ga ada satupun soal yang nyantol karena aku udah ga mampu sama sekali baca soal...kepalaku pusing abisss aku sempet pesimis

terus ya, ga berhenti disitu waktu aku mikir mau ikut SNMPTN nah terus aku kan liat tanggal pengumumannya 17 juli, nah waktu aku liat di kertas pengumumannya unmul terakhir bayar tanggal 16 juli jadi aku ga jadi ikut daripada riskan mengecewakan diri sendiri. 3 hari setelah pendaftaran SNMPTN selesai, aku liat algi kertas pengumuman unmul DAANNNNN..........ternyata batas akhir bayar adalah 16 AGUSTUS saudara saudara...

saya salah liat kertas pengumuman and it happens like 3 times

kata papaku " kalo emang udah jodoh ga bakal kemana"

so i take his advice, and i accept the offer

i take this as the offer from god :)

FATES ARE JUST SOOO FUNNY, ARENT THEY?

HUMANITY

this is not my kind of quirk to care more to political advances, but this time i have to. My heart is ripped off by this video footage of a palestinian children who is complaining and getting angry about how her clothes smell like gas, and how it suffocates her and her family, how she had to beg for clothes from her neighbor.

i'm pointing this issue from where i'm standing. As a human. My judgement has no correlation with my religion affiliation. As a human being, would you like your house to be bombed by millions of missiles? how would you feel if you lost your innocent kids for no wrong doing? how do you feel if everything you struggled of having in years are destroyed in no seconds? how do you see a 10 years old prepare themselves with guns, in case their sisters attacked which is pretty ensured by Israel?

from where i'm standing it's horrible, from Palestinian point of view this is pretty much commonly their daily bases of lives.

okay now i'm going to try to be a reply speaker for let's say neutral team, i would say

Israel is only doing what they do because they want to protect their armed-with-modern-handguns-with helmet-bulletproof coat guys from people who are throwing rocks, fire, small cheap home made alcohol bomb with no safety protection whatsoever.

and let's see what happened just a couple of days ago. Israel is attacking an activists boat that transport 11 tons of help for Palestinian who are trapped in Gaza and having a hard time finding foods,water, aids, and medical supplies. What happened? Israel troops are attacking the boat and exactly 9 activists are confirmed murdered in that incident

whoow whoow...did i just say incident? as long as i remembered incident happened if it is not planned. How about this one? was these 19 people are PLANNING to bomb Israel? or probably these actvist are PLANNING on sneaking in to Israel territory? but why are these people are not attacking the troops with guns if they are really really endangering Israel troops? why are they fight against the troops with bare hands instead pulling out guns if they are really concerned as danger? why are they so incapable of fighting back if they are dangerous? isn't it weird?

check this out, it's a statement provided by the minister of foreign affairs in Israel

"During the interception of the ships, the demonstrators onboard attacked the IDF naval personnel with live fire and light weaponry including knives and clubs. Additionally one of the weapons used was grabbed from an IDF soldier. The demonstrators had clearly prepared their weapons in advance for this specific purpose."

knives?

clubs?

compared to handguns that can ripped your ribs?

ooohh those activists must be really good with knives to scare the hell out of the troops

why does it have to cause innocent victims?

why attacking by lethal moves to kill more people instead of disabling the attacker if that's even really really necessary?

why putting hundreds of people in cuff with less food and water while their intention is pure to help other people from suffer?

what else is interesting?

in a video footage it was shown that the troops are asking the region of those activists, some from Malaysia, Indonesia, England, and etcetera

troops : where do you come from?

A : England *troops letting go cuff and suddenly treating the person nice"

troops : where do you come from?

B : Indonesia *troops laughing, and the spitting on his face"

good nice example troops

if my parent see me spitting on people's face they would give me REAL pain in my ass

but apparently killing people too often ruining their morality. As an Indonesian i'm not offended by what those troops did but i feel pity for that country to allow such morality disorder being done by their saint heroic troops.

oops, i forget at this moment i have to put my point of view on Israel. this is really hard to understand what they do but it easier to find thousands of point of view to be against Israel.

right now people all over the world are protesting what Israel do, and what Israel are stating is that they are just trying to PROTECT THEMSELVES and by that it allows them to attack the civilians ; including activists

now i'm gonna see this from Palestine point of view

shit, those activists will not make it. My babies and I are going to be starved for another day. Whatever we or other people try to do for Palestine are always wrong in the eyes of Israel. It will always end up with war for them. As long as we die not in the mist of smoke from nuclear and missiles, we are fine. As long as I can still pray to God i'm fine.

that's the only point of view that i can find for Palestine.

yet, i keep typing this but the war is not stopping

what i would like to do by this post is to state what side i am in

I just hope that this war is not going to make the start of another war. we should not address this war to Moslem's, Jewish, or Christian but this is a war of HUMANITY.

that's the point of view i would like to believe

I AM IN THE SIDE OF JUSTICE AND HUMANITY

who you impress? or not....

10.000 people walk on the street

the other 10.000 sit on chairs

10.000 people are in hospital wondering are they gonna be okay

and probably 10.000 others are at a club night enjoying the rest of the night in booze dreamy land

and the other 6 billion minus 40.000 people are doing whatever they are doing

my question is...

is there any possibility that just one of them thinking of me at this second?

for those of you who possibly reading this may think of me as a weird person

why would i bother to be concern with the fact that is there someone thinking of me?

but it is important

yes it is

why?

we were born, we breath, we live, we die and in between we did things many things, bad, good, evil, naive, dignify and else

the thing is, did what we do mater to people around us? did we make an impression ? or we're easily forgotten?

that's why when people are in love they are thinking of each other, that what makes love worthy.

to be concerned by other people, so lucky............

but what about the rest of us who got no love? well we got family...

how did it go with our family? good or bad?

soon you'll move out and leave them, good family meet again every Saturday

bad family, see you somewhere if we're getting very fortunate

i've seen hundreds, thousands probably of broken family

is that also an impression?

yes

but it's a bad one. the kind that people will try to forget

so in the end more of us are being forgotten

is it so hard to find a little tiny room in billions of cells in a single human's brain just to put ourselves?

just to belong somewhere?

not yet!

we got friends

in 10 years their faces starts to blur

in 30 years you'll forget your friends surname

an 50 years you will not recognize them even if they hit you in your face

so who will remember me? or you? and you?

who?

am i important?

if yes then, do you think of me? is it just once in a while?or just now cause you read my post?

if no, do you think i'm not making impression to the world?

then where do i belong in the world?

what can i do to impress?

to be present, speak, and being heard

how is that?

to live your life just the way you dreamed it

well then i'm gonna try

I THINK I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE ANGRY BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FRIENDS AND FRIENDS SUPPOSE TO TELL STORIES

BUT, WHEN THAT DAY COMES I'LL SMILE AND GIVE YOU A BIG HUG AND ALSO PRETEND THAT I'M OKAY AND I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO HAVE YOUR PERFECT DAY

MY FEELINGS ARE INFERIOR

I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM ALL THOSE FAKERS THAT HAS BEEN BACKSTABBING ME

BUT IT IS EVEN MORE SAD

I DON'T NEED COMPASSION, I EXPERIENCED BEING LET DOWN BY FRIEND MORE THAN ENOUGH

I JUST NEED YOU TO KNOW HOW I FEEL

THANK YOU

judgement

orang ga tau posisi kamu, ga tau keadaan keluarga kamu, ga tau apa yang harus kamu hadapin

jadi ketika mereka menjudge bilang kamu ga asik, kamu sensitif, kamu bermasalah, kamu itu menakutkan...

mereka cuma belum pernah ada di posisi mu...

jadi when shit happens and people start to judge again, just smile and wave

life is unfair many times, but sure is...

life is also a wheel that rotate

you position can be his/hers, and when it is, just smile again and wave

SAHABAT GUE MENIKAH!!!

FYI gue udah potong rambut, rambut gue hilang sekitar 30 centimeter, sedih awalnya tapi gue tau this is what it takes to transform , first step actually

oke, i'm not going to spend probably half of the page talking about my hair cut

something else is happening

MY BEST FRIEND SUKMA IS GETTING MARRIED

all right...wols wols

darn! this is shocking...she's been talking about how much she wants to get marry but i never expect to be this fast. she's 18 anyway and we just graduate from senior high a month ago

i'm happy of course, but stunned, shocked, and confused

i don't know how to react at first, but then i thought "come on it's her choice, god let her that way because knowing that it would be best for her"

so

CONGRATULATIONS!!! MAY YOU BE BLESSED AND LIVE THE PERFECT ENDING OF A FAIRYTALE, HAPPILY EVER EVER AFTER!!!MAY YOU HAVE KIDS THAT YOU ADORE, AND ADORE YOU!!!MAY YOUR LIFE BE FULL OF HAPPINESS AND A LOVING FAMILY...MAY YOU TWO BE A GOOD COUPLE AND GOOD PARENTS... MAY YOU LIVE THE WONDERFUL LIFE!!!!semoga punya hidup yang sakinah mawaddah warohmah.semoga semua hal yang kamu impikan bisa terwujud...semoga hidupmu dipenuhi dengan mimpi yang jadi kenyataan...and I AM HAPPY FOR YOU...

dan saat seseorang akan punya hidup barunya bersama orang lain, saya akan memulai perjalanan baru ditemani diri saya sendiri

banyak orang bilang saya keliatannya benci pernikahan

tapi

walaupun saya sering terlihat sangat cynical dalam memandang penikahan, tetapi suatu hari saya pun mau menikah, tapi ketika saya sudah siap, sangat siap, karena buat saya pernikahan adalah sesuatu yang sangat sangat besar dan perlu komitmen yang tangguh

walaupun saya bilang pernikahan itu ujung-ujungnya mengakibatkan kedua pihak sering terluka, tapi banyak hal yang menakjubkan dari penikahan, menjadi ibu, punya anak, mengurus anak, mengurus keluarga dan banyak lagi hal hebat lainnya

walaupun saya bilang kalo pernikahan itu mengakhiri masa senang- senang tapi pernikahan itu menawarkan jauh lebih baik which is hidup yang penuh dengan usaha untuk membuat senang satu sama lain

saya akan menikah entah ketika umur berapa saya...26, 27, or 30 they are just numbers...tapi suatu hari pasti

*mau tau seberapa cynicalnya saya ttg pernikahan? sepanjang saya menulis post ini saya merinding sendiri :)*

elza samantha elmira

HAIR CUT!!!!!!!

let's get to the point immediately

I WILL CUT MY HAIR!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i'm panic!!!!

okay so the decision is all mine, but the execution???

what if she cut the wrong hair, what if she forget how to cut it in the middle of the way??what if she cut in the wrong line????what if, what if, and a lot of what ifs

it's not my first time, i cut my hair though 2 months ago, and as my model FARA FAWCETT, it was freaking hot, but it grows and on and on, it's very long now. my hair almost touch my butt, damn it's too long

it's just i don't feel healthy living with them, something is really really wrong with this hair...

i'm gonna cut it short, not so short probably in line with shoulder or even lower...

god!!!this is very hard....

hmmm, but

posting this post makes me even want to cut this hair now

so bye, imma off to...i don't know, hair stylist? who am i kidding? some place which has some women to be asked to cut my hair nicely, hhh this better be a god hair cut, or i'll kill her

*none of those matter cause none of you will ever see my hair anyway ahahaha

SELAMAT BERJUANG SEMOGA DITERIMA DI ITB YAA...GOOD LUCK :)

10 orang yang saya patut ucapkan terima kasih banyak

orang orang yang akan saya bicarakan adalah orang yang telah berhasil mengubah hal-hal penting dalam hidup saya. mereka ga sadar akan hal ini tapi kehadiran mereka yang telah sangat berhasil membuat hidup saya jauh jauuuh lebih bermakna

*ditulis secara acak

1. CHRISTOPHER. ini adalah kakak kelas. angkatannya 2 tahun di atas saya. which means saya sangat sangat lugu (what???) ketika pertama bertemu dengannya. apa yang membuat dia mengubah hidup saya? pertama kali ketemu kak chris nyali saya untuk debat bener-bener langsung ciut. bayangkan! saya yang debat masalah free sex, ujung-ujungnya ngomongin ukuran lubang kondom, sedangkan dia membicarakan kenapa seseorang layak untuk divote pada general election, democracy lalala and blablabla. oh my...jelas banget kemampuan saya sangat sangat kurang. tapi entah kenapa lalu saya dan safira lalu divote oleh guru-guru untuk ikut that god forsaken competition yang diadakan oleh institusi tidak bertanggung jawab terhadap moral bangsa, **C (nama disamarkan). dan lomba saya untuk pertama kali ini digawangi oleh YOSUA dan CHRIS. oh my...saya junior yang cupu, ga cantik *pada saat itu sekarang udah cantik, dan ga ngerti debat sama sekali. dan kalian tahu ga? kak chris dan kak yosua dengan tangan terbuka menerima saya dalam tim mereka, dan mengajarkan saya banyak hal selama debat satu minggu bersama mereka. you tau saya hampir plain suck, tapi tetap percaya sama saya. dan itu pulalah yang membuat saya sangat berterima kasih karena you had opened my mind and not making me feeling inferior at the time. dan juga terima kasih atas latihan latihan yang sebenernya buat kak chris selalu ninggalin pelajaran. THANK YOU KAK

2. YOSUA. as i have explained earlier lomba pertama saya adalah bersama chris dan yosua. kak yosua may seem a little bit uhmm, of a jerk. but inside he's pretty nice. dan semua pendapat orang-orang yang tertanam di otak saya langsung runtuh begitu kak yosua bilang saya lumayan dalam debat hanya karena saya bilang "knock yourself out". somehow i sensed a huge respect for other people in his tone, i'm not a psychic but i know that he is a very cool and nice person. terima kasih atas lesson yang diberikan selama debat bersama, i learned a lot from you.

3. MBA NANDA. muncul entah darimana, awalnya saya kira wanita satu ini cuman legenda, setelah ketemu kagum banget. pemikirannya luas tanpa batas *sori agak lebay, ga pernah kehabisan kalimat, suatu masalah selalu ada pemecahannya. kalo nanya sama senior yang satu ini ga pernah ga ada jawabannya. mba nanda ini ga pernah nolak untuk ngelatih anak smansa (walaupun ada ank smansa yang udah difasilitasi kaya gini, tetep act like assholes). terima kasih atas support-supportnya selama kami debat dan menginspirasi saya untuk juga berbagi ilmu kepada orang lain

4,5,6. SAFIRA , RUTH, DAN MAS ARI. Mereka ini apa ya? ibaratnya mereka people who can provide you the little wonders of life. mereka sahabat, keluarga, teman, dan guru. mereka adalah pembentuk ingatan terkuat dalam hidup. mereka tim debat saya, termasuk coach saya MAS ARI.

SAFIRA is the captain of the team, she's the strongest, she has the power to change people's mind, kaya suatu hari kami di ban untuk ikut lomba yang udah kami tunggu sepanjang tahun, saya udah kehilangan kata-kata untuk meyakinkan kepala sekolah bahwa kami yang pantas untuk ikut lomba ini, tapi safira nahan nangis dan ngebela kami sekuat tenaga, sampe akhirnya berhasil. dan those matter on your hello kitty pocket oh my god i can't thank you enough. terima kasih atas treat 'teh tarik' dan tempat untuk di screw up setiap akan latihan. terimakasih banyak captain, you've bring the ship to wonderful places i've never been in that i shall never forget

RUTH is the uhmm apa ya? istilahnya dia itu maskot untuk team. dia ini yang bikin team solid looh. apa ya dia ini sort of tidak terdefinisi gitu deh. dia ini baik ceria heboh. her sprit bring the whole team together. saya udah menuliskan satu page tulisan yang baik-baik tentang dia juga di blog ini, weh dia eksis sekali di blog saya, anyway still thank you for being such a great friend and a great teammate. oh ya saya lupa dia adalah adik kandung dari yosua yang nomer dua ituloh....anehnya adik dan kakak sama-sama berpengaruh pada hidup satu orang hahaha. TERIMA KASIH KELUARGA NAINGGOLAN

MAS ARI is the perfect coach. the greatest coach. the coolest coach. the nicest coach. tumitnya pernah kecelakaan dan diganti tumit orang *ga tau apa tujuannya nulis ini...he has the most in spirit. sebagian, setiap, dan semua omongannya selalu mengubah pikiran saya. bagaimana kita memandang dunia bukan hanya dari perspektif kita sendiri benar-benar membuat saya menjadi orang yang berbeda, hampir liberalis namun masih pada jalur yang sama seperti dulu. TERIMA KASIH ATAS LATIHAN LATIHAN TIDAK MENGENAL WAKTU...

8. BU HAR was the first person who change my life. how? ketika latihan unutk pertama kali saya merasa down banget ga setara sama siapapun, yang saya punya cuma semangat. dan bu har yang pertama kali membuat saya bisa dan berharga sesuatu. bu har bilang "saya suka sekali semangat kamu, walaupun poin kamu ga seberapa sampai". at the moment i had decided that debate is my way. dan kalo ga karena consent ibu saya ga akan bisa satu tim dengan safira dan ruth and having those great moments...TERIMA KASIH YA BU KARENA MENGHARGAI KEMAMPUAN SAYA

9. RUBY, NUEL,SENDY, NANU, ELAA teman satu angkatan di smansa yang telah memberikan satu tahun penuh dengan hal-hal gila. i mean really...terima kasih telah mengajarkan ada yang namanya HAVE FUN. before meeting you guys my kind of have fun was only membahas soal biologi bersama kawan-kawan, lomba lengkap-lengkapan catatan *not that those make me smart or something dan kalian tau ga? pengalaman nonton di bioskop pertama kali saya adalah bersama kalian :D. terima kasih atas ajaran-ajaran selama kelas 2 yaa, you make it impossible to forget haha

10.RIDHA. saya belum pernah ya post tentang dia? dia sahabat saya. satu-satunya yang benar-benar cocok dengan saya dalam segala hal. kadang sih memang berbeda tapi saya dan dia selalu bisa saling memaklumi. sayangnya saya jarang menghabiskan waktu dengannya setelah jadi senior. tapi saya yakin kalo dia kuliah nanti saya akan sangat kangen sama dia, haha...dia bukan tipe orang yang suka ikut campur urusan orang, makanya saya sangat nyaman. terima kasih karena sudah jadi sahabat yang luar biasa setia, sangat sangat ga perhitungan dan luar biasa baik

banyak sih orang lain dalam hidup saya yang uhmm, berkontribusi tapi sejauh ini mereka adalah orang yang banyak membawa banyak hal dalam hidup saya...

as much as remember now, as the new roads await i am sure there'll be plenty of other great times i will have...

*sekali lagi nomor di atas tidak berarti apapun

ANEH

ANEH rasanya kalau ada orang yang keliatannya alim, dalam, filosofis, dan pintar memendam rasa benci pada kita. Dia pun ga tau apa alasannya

ANEH rasanya betapa kita mencoba untuk baik, tetapi disalahartikan atau malah jadi bahan omongan kesannya dibenci

ANEH rasanya betapa kita pikir kalau sesuatu bisa jadi hal yang indah untuk seseorang tapi orang itu pikir itu hal yang buruk, tetapi pada akhirnya orang itu menginginkannya

ANEH rasanya betapa kita banyak berkorban untuk sesuatu, tetapi yang diingat oleh orang-orang hanyalah sepintas kata-kata buruk

ANEH rasanya betapa teman baru yang kita kagumi ternyata punya hati yang hideous

ANEH rasanya betapa orang tersebut bilang kalo dia bisa memberikan solusi kepada orang-orang, tapi dia malah membuat masalah yang buruknya dia ga sadar

ANEH rasanya betapa orang ga tau kalo omongan mereka sangat mempengaruhi hidup orang lain

terima kasih ke beberapa orang yang saat ini masih bertempat di SMANSA atas semua hinaan dan cercaan karena saya berusaha menunjukkan sisi terbaik kalian. Terima kasih karena sudah membuat bayak orang juga membenci saya demi apa saya juga ga tau.Terima kasih karena menyadarkan saya kalo saya ga secantik, semodis, sepintar, atau semampu kalian. Bahwa saya cuma punya sedikit rasa perduli yang pada akhirnya menyakiti diri saya sendiri. Dan sedikit rasa perduli itu pula yang membuat saya sadar kalo saya ga memiliki perasaan SERENDAH kalian. Bahwa saya adalah orang yang seharusnya lebih baik daripada yang kalian katakan. Saya cuma cewek kurus yang ga bisa ngelakuin apa-apa. Dan untuk kalian saya harapkan yang terbaik dari Tuhan. TERIMA KASIH

imy

i miss the way you look at me, indicating...nothing

i miss your voice, my favorite sound in the world

i miss the way you walk

i miss everything about you

but since i can do nothing, i'll just wait

when you come back, just wait and see...

FOOL

i have never date anyone, let alone being kissed. ha!

but like many of most people on earth, i have been in love

and like some of those many, it does not work

i have little crushes all the way i lived

but for the same three years, i am stuck with this guy. Coming out of nowhere, captivate me with his mistery -ahaha i know, i know, you can barf now-

when i was adoring him, he was busy flirting with other girls, hmm fool me

not that i let myself being fooled like that, i tried so hard to get out of his charm but i ended up adoring how his eyes are sooo gorgeous every single time i try

i tried to like other guys, but i will find a way back to love him

i guess that's what you call by, uhmm first love?

never gonna be forgotten and replaced by anyone

just like the stain that last for years on your favorite shirt, it's not pretty but it reminds you of how you get it. It will stay there forever

and you know what, though it's cliche every time i look at you i forget how life is tough on me

some jumped off the bridge for the feeling i have for you

but you know what, i choose to reminisce you knowing that maybe, just maybe we will never meet

but if i get a chance to meet you i will not miss it anymore. That day i will come to you and tell you how i feel about you these times. And that day i will captivate you and charm you. And you will regret it , but it would be too late for you

not for me....

wishywashy

sebanyak kamu kurang ngerti apa yang saya tulis sebanyak itu pula aku ga ngerti apa yang bakal aku tulis

i guess, this is what i'm trying to say...

I AM NOT PERFECT

by not being perfect i mean i am all very labile, sometimes being bitter and other times sensitive. splashy but mostly deciding to be very quiet

there i say it...what i expect is that people would simply understand and swallow when they decide to be my friends

kalo aku buat salah, they'll go " oh gapapa emang dia gitu kok"

the world is not working that way

here is how the world works

when you're sad and mourning and you share to people because you're just being instable and you're calling the person you hate " biatch " and tomorrow you make up with the person, the person that you share the story will call you " traitor " -literally-

i guess what i'm trying to say is that it is sooo hard to find people to really really understand you so far i found only very few as in very very few...hmm

that makes me soo hard to make up my mind, whether i should hate or be friends with someone...sometimes i like them other times when they are saying mean things i hate them.I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

believe it or not i'm still doing it right now...

what should i do?

HANG OVER

one day out of nowhere, we met this girl...a very very weird girl

sama sekali ga terlihat seperti cewek...

dia suka pake kaos oblong warna hitam yang gambar nya bukan bunga-bunga atau burung terbang di langit, melainkan kaya skull atau dark things lainnya. Bawahannya celana jeans besar (read. sama sekali bukan skinny). Ga pake flat - emang ga cocok juga sih- melainkan sepatu basket yang besar dengan warna merah membara

walaupun dia bukan tipikal cewek normal tapi serius ya, her heart is way better than any girls you've ever met. She's very humble, sincere, mature, and such a great human being.

setiap keluar ke tempat baru orang-orang selalu kaget kalo dia dinyatakan sebagai perempuan. Soalnya selain stylenya potongan rambutnya juga ga mencirikan kewanitaan...

safira me and her used to debate together, in a team. we were very close. They are to me, like sisters.

it has been less or more a year since safira and I debate for the last time with her...She's somewhere now, doing very great...

she never let me forget how much she misses me and safira debating together as team.

today, i received a very surprisingly great story

in a condition where she was not conscious, she remembered only us, the team... it breaks my heart...i practically cry, how much i don't take her seriously back then. Knowing that it hurt so much now, without her...i feel so guilty and sorry for her and myself

the thing that she said, was how much she missed us...me and safira

now, i miss her more than ever. i want to see her and give her a very big hug and any treatments she deserve

this i promise myself and her, if i ever see her again... i will do whatever she asks me, everything, all that she asks...i promise you...

and believe me, i will see you...i will...

RUTH GRACIA NAINGGOLAN, YOU ARE THE GREATEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET IN THE WHOLE WORLD...THAT POSITION WILL NEVER BE TAKEN BY ANYONE AT ALL, FOREVER...

i just...go with the flow

hey gua lulus SMA lhoo
here are the proves, gua ga boong


tuh kan gua lulus...*bangga

terus akhirnya gua dapet universitas
yang bener-bener di luar dugaan
fakultas kedokteran! ha!!
di unmul serius gua ga nyangka bakal diterima
gua udah pasrah sepasrah pasrahnya
eh, taunya keterima emang nasib sih, walaupun gua kosongin 15 soal yang pdhl ga minus, emang nasib yang paling pengaruhliat tuh nama gua " ELZA SAMANTHA ELMIRA"
gua urutan ke 17
since ini setengah mati penuh perjuangan ya ga bakal gua lepas
tapi visi dan misi gua ga berubah, gua anggap ini kaya "one step close to my dream" lah
and beside i checked out some guy with nice looks driving car di unmul, itu menarik banget buat gua, mahahahahah

okey deh buat gua ini semacam destiny, jadi gua bener-bener percaya kalo ini emang pilihan Allah. makanya gua ga ragu sedikit pun buat ngambil. walaupun gua tau bakat gua sangat minim buat hal semacam fk, anyway i find this surprisingly exciting ternyata kalo udah keterima di univ itu kamu bener-bener ga ada beban see almost 5 times everyday i check out my twitter, ha!

so, i'm done for now and sign out, ciaooo

the graduation

if you don't notice very close, i look like someone who loves to get mad, some people say i look fierce, others say i have a very serious expression

but, closer than you might be i am actually very uhm, fragile -cliche, urrgh- i cry a lot, titanic, baby's birth, farewell, good songs, nice words, gaaah i know those seem stupid things to cry but that's just the way i am, including this

for three years in high school i' ve learned most of the things teens our age experience, broken heart and resurrect from it, friendship and it's complications, failing and doing great

but none of the will worth to remember without the most ingredients best friendship...

without having those people who are ready to back up all the time, i will never go through those series of unfortunate events in my life safely, my best friends are my guardian

like one time, i cry for this boy -eww, i know- that i fall so deep, my friends was trying so hard to convince me that i'm okay without him...and you know what those kind of events are just impossible to tell to parents or sisters, but friends they are in an extraordinary way can make us tell all stories we hide and heal them spontaniously

now that we have graduate, usually we check out each other everyday for ,more than 7 hours, now those times are just a series of nice memories

those times that we laugh so hard until we fall from the chair and your tummy numb those are going to be engraved in our heart forever

those times when we help each other in exams...hmmm they will never be forgotten :)

my friends worth every happy tears in the world, they worth the world to me. Nothing will replace their place in my heart and my brain

now that we have graduated and that we have lived on our own road, i bid you farewell and hope to meet you all very soon..

when people ask i'll say " i didn't make it to my prom"

just 3 days before prom i received 2 breaking heart announcement

i decided to miss my prom since then, not because i failed in making it to good universities but more of uhmm...maybe because i'm scared that prom wouldn't be that much of fun since i failed

if you see my post earlier you would fine some pictures of my preparations for prom. you can say i was all set. there was nothing wrong with everything until i found those two announcement.

you would wonder, "she went through all those troubles making clothes, and practicing heels for more than 2 week....what for?if in the end she was going to abandon them" and if you notice i've prepared them on the side of my stairs, the dress, the bag, the heels. but i never get to wear them forever.

well here i am, watching demi lovato on disney channel making jokes "fine!fine!fine!fine!". i know you would say "pathetic"...sitting in front of my laptop and imagining what a wonderful night my friends might be having make me sick. but then again i make choices. sometimes people make good choice, other times they're bad...but as long as you make the dicision yourself, uhmm i guess i wouldn't regret it

i felt like i'm outreaching my dreams...but you know what it's fine, i'm fine

i wish everyone coming to prom tonight would make their night very blast and wonderful...have yourself some unforgettable evening people!!!

the perfect ending

so we held this huge even namanya MAKRAB...

ada games main "panjang-panjangan"

ada makan-makan

ada sholat jamaah yang ga jelas

ada juga sharing

*bagian do'a di skip deh :D

buat saya personally yang paling menyenangkan dari MAKRAB adalah saat paling akhir dimana semua sudah selesai terus semuanya pada ngelepasin beban dengan minta maaf dan ngucapin "selamat sukses" satu sama lain

saya sendiri sudah mengucapkan ke hampir semua yang saya kenal dan saya pernah buat salah sewaktu dulu *mungkin belum semua sih

sayaa..

menunggu momen untuk uhmmm

saya sangat ingin pergi ke seberang karpet merah untuk salaman sama kamu

saya cuma bisa lihat dari jauh kamu senyum kamu ketawa saya senang rasanya

saya pengen banget jalan ke sana terus salamin kamu...

tapi kaki saya beku

okelah saya pikir mungkin emang ga takdir, semua orang ngejabat tangan kamu terus kamu senyum, ketawa

saya iri

kamu mendekat saya bener-bener deg-degan rasanya

saya takut sekaligus senang, kemudian saya mau mengalihkan rasa takut dengan noleh ke belakang

ada teman lama saya, yang dulu awal kelas 11 kita dekeeet banget terus gara-gara suatu masalah kita jadi musuhan

kita berpelukan...saya menangis membisikkan kata maaf barangkali 20 kali...saya menangis

tanpa saya tahu di hilang yang mau saya salamin dengan tangan saya...

tapi dia kembali lagi, then ada sukma yang nyalamin orang itu. aku ngeberaniin diri buat deketin dia

the moment was everything i would say perfect

the sky, the light, the moments

i gave my hand, and he gave his hand

i was drowning in excitement, sorrow, and love

i stare at him and we both say

"SUKSES YA"
"SUKSES"

i knew, he knew, his friends knew, everybody around us knew how much he mean to me...
i don't care if he doesn't or even never feel like what i felt to him, i only know one thing

though it was bitter, but it was a perfect ending for me
thank you for letting me having that

i will savor the moment forever in my life

'sok' jenius yang idiot

okey i know this guy for like less than a year more than six months

i can sum up two things :
- he's a jerk from the way he speak to his friend
- he's an asshole
- he's a "hey, i look genius right" wannabe
- and last, "i must be sophisticated, that's what people think about me" kind a person

but the truth is here it goes:
-you are the very most plagiarist of attitude, when someone suddenly become very poetic you want to be one. when sophisticated is a trend you try to be one to, be yourself god damned

-you are a self righteous that is very dumb, you want to create what someone else had started but it turns out really bad for your reputation

-you don't think of future at all. you don't think how to be success for your parents, or for your own good. instead you think of how to win some cheesy selection

-you judge people without trying to get to know them. i have time to get to know you. i asked most of your friends what kind a person are you. but you? you see him/her if the way they acted doesn't suit your heart then they are bad for you...

-you don't appreciate your friend. okey, here it goes, when your friend says "let's sit over here" and you disagree tell him this "let's just sit over here" instead of saying " yeah yeah " with showing the attitude of " whatever loser" poor you friend of him...sabar yah :)

at the end i want to say this to you

SHAME ON YOU FOR NOT ENJOYING LIFE FULLY!!!
OPEN YOUR MIND MAN!!!

PROM STUFF AND WHATEVER

Hey those are my stuff that i prepare for prom night

without being cheesy or whatever, i just want to...uhmm well you can say a bit show off

and a bit curious of people's comment on it

so don't bother to leave your comment here...
anyway

I AM SOOO LOOKING FORWARD FOR ANY COMMENT....

OR MAYBE SUGGESTION ON THE COLOR OF VEIL I SHOULD WEAR ACCORDINGLY TO THE DRESS

THANK YOU!!!!!

PS: I REALLY LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEE THE HEELS!!!!

you and me (???)

so still i reminisce all the memories

for exactly, those stupid memories...
aku inget banget betapa aku ga mau pulang cepet abis sekolah dan malahan nongkrong di kelasnya ridha sampe sore, ngebicarain hal-hal ga penting

karena kamu...

atau waktu makan pizza bareng, aku rasanya makan batu saking geroginya kamu di sebelahku

jelas karena kamu...

waktu latih tanding, waktu jalan bareng 'akatsuli', waktu uhmm...

aku masih inget lhooo
nontonin kamu main bola, liat kamu main drum, becanda bareng kamu (dan bersama yang lain -selalu)...

kamu itu satu nama sejuta mimpi buat orang kaya aku...

:D

aku inget banget waktu aku nangis terisak-isak di lab karena kamu...

aku suka sama kamu, mulai dari cewekmu masih yang itu sampe ke yang ini...

selang 3 cewek dan aku masih suka kamu, walaupun semua orang bilang kamu brengsek aku ga peduli...

i guess that is how you call loving someone unconditionally ...

you just don't care...

but one thing...

as long as you keep on putting that smile i really like...

it doesn't matter

it never matter actually

aku ga peduli seberapa ga pentingnya kamu nganggep aku

buatku kamu sesuatu uhmm important :D

where to run?

a vow

once said, in front of everyone matter

did that have a contingency?
did that matter?
did you remember?

till death do us apart...

hmm...

does that mean anything to you?

to me, everything

when people start to like talking about the beauty of marriage, do they really come up with it's meaning deep inside it?

or is it just some kind of justification to get legal sex?

not that i'm being cynical over marriage or something, but seeing how people could and would get their marriage divorced bother me a lot.

what is their contingency plan when they first order the lily bucket for each of the table in the hotel ballroom?

to get the wealth of other? to finally having the dream party in white dresses?

oh my god

how shallow...

i know this is not how all people would see how this would go
but let me tell you one thing

the part till death do us part? they are ridiculous

wait till your husband got fired and you will say this


"oh my god, what did i do? now i got nowhere to run"

PISSED OFF

aku nonton shrek hari ini

ada kata-kata yang paling berkesan buatku di situ

"Look, I'm not the one with the problem, ok? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, 'Ahhh... help... run.. i mean i am more than what i look like"

kalo ga salah kaya gitu aku juga lupa lupa
terus aku inget most of the guys in ous school once they see this gadis cantik they go "oohh, ahhh damn, aduh sakit perut deh. cantiknya" and etcetera

tapi ketika mereka liat ada gadis ini yang semacam introvert gitu, okey ga cantik dibilangnya gini "aduh kalo misalnya ada cowok lagi horny liat dia cuman pake serbet doang langsung turun lagi" ewwwwww

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH WITH THIS!!!!!

kenapa?
kenapa?
kenapa?

beberapa orang harus menderita karena ego para laki-laki brengsek ini

beberapa wanita akan stay introvert for the rest of their lives karena ini

saya pissed off deh rasaya

usm itb part-1

pernah dengar kalo mau masuk perguruan tinggi tandanya harus lewat ujian saringan masuk atau tes-tes lebih dulu?

pasti pernah...

pernah denger perguruan tinggi yang namanya itb?

pasti pernah juga...

hari ini dan kemaren kebetulan saya mengikuti usm itb

jadi saya mau cerita runtut tesnya gimana

pertama-tama saya udah kesana kemari nyari soal, buku, mulai dari yang untuk soal usmnya khusus MaDas dan MIPA Terpadu

terus lagi buku khusus skolastik plus TPA

dan nyari-nyari di internet info tentang betapa ganasnya USM ITB, hahaha

okey ini adalah bagaimana jalannya hari pertama:

• tes hari ini berkutat pada psikotes
• tes berlangsung selama kurang lebih 5 jam (ga manusiawi)
• tesnya kaya psikotes biasa lah ada kemampuan verbal, non verbal, kemampuan berhitung, termasuk deret angka, kalo pernah tes psikotes kurang lebih lah sama tes yang pernah kamu ikutin
• tesnya itu pake silang-silang jadi ga bakalan capek kalo pusing iya
  
• setelah tes yang silang-silang selesai baru sampai ke tes menggambar. tes menggambar ini ada beberapa tahap yang pertama yaitu warteg test. disini ada 8 kotak di dalamnya ada 8 pola ada titik, lengkung, dan garis tapi beda-beda pola. ada yang bilang kalo garis dibuatnya jadi gambar yang kokoh misalnya gedung, terus kalo lengkung itu yang hidup gitu kaya manusia atau binatang. nah kalo titik tinggal improvisasi sendiri lahh...
• nah habis warteg test selanjutnya adalah menggambar pohon sama orang. nah yang ini ada tipsnya. check this out deh it helps me a lot http://hover4phoenix.wordpress.com/2008/10/01/sharingunofficial-information-usm-itb/
• setelah itu pretty much semuanya usai, untuk hari itu
• nah untuk hari kedua itu lah macannya, ada skolastik, bahasa inggris, Madas, MIPA terpadu. untuk skolastik menurutku aku mati kutu banget waktu ngadepin soal deret angka. itu juga yang kebanyakan dikeluhin temenku sih
• untuk bahasa inggris, well bisa dibilang mudah sih. maksudnya dalam artian ga serumit soal snmptn
• untuk madas juga sama, tapi harus hati-hati banget karena kebanyakan jawaban yang dikasih itu menjebak. jadi walaupun kamu salah tetep bakal nemu jawabannya, hehehe
• untuk MIPA apa yang di deskripsikan di page yang kukasih persis sama dengan yang kualami hahaha

well...
pada intinya kalo mau tes itb harus percaya diri jangan ciut nyali. udah siap segala preparasi belajar ini itu. terus selama ngerjain soal ga usah deh noleh kanan kiri liat kerjaan orang *buat ngebandingin berapa soal yang kamu kerjain sama yang dia kerjain :) lebih baik kalo kamu mengalokasikan waktunya semuanya buat ngerjain. atau kalo udah ga kuat ya doa

terus lagi harus sarapan, fokus, siap semua resiko, dan wajib dalam keadaan GOOD MOOD!
setelah itu doa yang banyak dan usaha deh, great luck yaa

saya,saya,saya

saya pernah di beritahu kalo orang terpenting di dunia ini adalah

jeng jeng jeng jeng

DIRI SENDIRI

so, isi blog ini tidak lain dan tidak bukan tentang diri saya sendiri

hahahaha, naif nyaaa

well, read further yaa